Aston league one final week
Welcome to the final week of league one,
After the opening weeks of league one descended into controversy we were left with a smaller and more exciting season where all teams received 3 extra games in the season of double trouble. Clitoris All sorts are the only team across all 4 divisions to win every single game in the league. Their final victory came against Latecomers who once again ended matters on the bottomL. Hotshots and Cokers Jokers went head to head for 2nd place but despite the Jokers easily overcoming the hotshots in a separate encounter the hotshots managed to pull a victory off over Lawrence 1 and as they only needed 1 point from their final 2 games 2nd place belongs to the hotshots. The Lesbians missed out on finishing 4th in what was a remarkable end to the season against Cokers Jokers. The Jokers came from behind to leave the lesbians down in 5th. For the Jokers despite a brilliant end to an up and down season where they claimed all 6 points they have to settle for 3rd place.
The Action.
The hotshots knew what was at stake and after finishing at the rear of the year for 2 years the hotshots finally found themselves touching the sky. To start things off Mark Tureck the flying goalkeeper scored his first outfield goal since Mrs Tureck gave birth to him at goalie hospital. Despite the hotshots dominating early on they slipped behind after Geraint and the punisher Paresh slotted home. On the stroke of half time McLaffen got the hotshots level. The 2nd half was back and forth with Newton making 2 fine saves to keep the hotshots at bay but then a Jonny Jung strike took the hotshots back into the lead before sub of the day Tom Toulson hit home. 3-3. Lawrence 1 looked the more likely to go ahead but despite efforts from Cuthbert it wasn’t to be in the last 2 minutes the skilful Ji Sun Park came down from United and netted and then to rub salt in the wound McLaffen and Sun then made it 6-3 in the final minute.
The hotshots knew with this victory they were in 2nd however the Jokers didn’t know what went down and they came firing out the traps with Ong showing off his silky skills, Cadman a tiger at the back and Chris “holy moly” Henman making some spectacular saves. Ong, Koye and a mind blaster from Tim with another belter from Cadman took the Jokers 4-0 ahead. Before the break hotshots tried to muster up some steam as Thanki and Jung restored hope of back to back wins. Unfortunately the 2nd half went just as badly for the hotshots with nutty Neil netting 2 before Stennard let fly from half way or Jokers. Park got one back but it was very much a consolation as Jokers hammered the hotshots 7-3.
Clitoris had the fans yelling ooooooo yeeeee with the closing 5 minutes as they passed the ball around the pitch waving to the crowd to thank them for a wonderful season. They ended in style with a 10-1 battering of the Latecomers featuring a hat trick from Howells and even the keeper getting in on the action scoring a goal. Oh yeh but that was in his own net as he somehow managed to put it through his own legs. Magical stuff. Cowley takes home the fans player of the season and Clyde takes home a pie. Soady will take home a Soda yes yes I know you probably guessed I would say that. Can’t forget about Payne who scored the final goal of the Clitoris campaign. For the Latecomers I bid you goodbye I think 7 points showed some great improvements although finishing in the same spot I am sure doesn’t help the ego 
In our final encounter our game of the day was between Cokers Jokers and the sporting Lesbians. An up tempo first half saw loads of shots but nothing really testing the keepers. Stennard and Andy did most of the dirty work for Cokers Jokers but nothing came of it while Pritpal made some crucial interceptions to keep matters at 0-0. Lesbians took the lead through Marcus but their lead was short-lived as Andy Coker and Tim took them ahead at the break. 2-1 Jokers. Henman then stepped outfield and delivered two poachers goals to take it to 4-1. Lesbians were down but they certainly weren’t out and with 8 minutes left on the clock a Ricky double, one was a controversial one from the spot saw the Lesbians rejuvenate. Tim perhaps banged in the goal of the season with a stunner of a half volley from half way to make it 5-3 only for Ricky to complete his hat trick straight from kick off to make it 5-4. With minutes left Koye was sent home for a 16 year old reaction, the referee allowed for a player to replace him as the free kick was that should have been in the favour of the Jokers was reversed. Whilst the Jokers complained the Lesbians took advantage and but weren’t successful. A brilliant Jokers side come out with 2 sensational back to back wins as they held on against the Lesbians.
Player Cam
Game of the week. Lesbians vs. Jokers
Finally. Mark Tureck (hotshots). After a million seconds of football can finally say he got a goal and what a screamer it was.
Goals of the day. Tim Delaney (Jokers). Scored two bangers from the half way line, his final goal of the season was perhaps the best as he latched onto the ball with a sweet half volley from half way. Stennard (Jokers) Also hit a lovely low left foot strike from half way.
Silky. Chris Park (hotshots) turned his opponents inside out with his range of sublime skill. Ricky (lesbians) Made a darting run going past 3 jokers before being fouled.
Heartbreak hotel. Park, McLaffen and Sun all teamed up to gang rape the Lawrence boys after it was 3-3 all up to the last 2 minutes.
Tackles. Cadman (Jokers) and Cowley (Clitoris). 2 players that spent more time for being sent off in the first season have shown that they are the excellence of execution with some great work at the back throughout the season that has led me to believe they are the MVP’s of both their squads.
Save of the day. Chris Henman (Jokers). Some mindboggling saves as he receives a man of the match award. Newton (Lawrence) obviously, although if we are being critical he did let a goal in that was a bread and butter saves.
Oops daisy. Chris (Clitoris). With an excellent own goal as he put the ball through his own goal in slow motion.
Paresh for president. He can’t do it all alone can he Lawrence, Jesus. No all Lawrence players had a blinder today particularly Gaz and Geraint unlucky not to come out with the 3 points
Hat trick heroes. Clyde Southern and Jack Howells (Clitoris). Ricky (Lesbians)
Team of the week.
GK Chris Henman (Jokers)
DF James (Clitoris)
MDF Ricky (Lesbians)
AMF Park (hotshots)
FW Jack (Clitoris)
Please see the spreadsheet attached, let me know if anything is wrong.
league-one-season-4-final week1
Nilesh
Chairman of Aston Uni 5’s
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