Aston league one week 6

Welcome to week 6,

Clitoris all sorts were crowned the undisputed champions of league one after they went through double trouble with 2 fairly comfortable wins. With 2 weeks left either Clitoris are that good or the competition is that bad. First they went through the hotshots who only had 4 men for a half and considering it was 1^st vs. 2^nd clearly the hotshots came without a condom. 7 man Clitoris had their way with them, then they took on the Lesbians and they opened up quite a massive lead in the first half but two saves in the second half kept them comfortable as they trod on the red carpet to claim the title. For bottom placed lesbians they also had the latecomers and my oh my they actually won, yes that’s right  Thanks to the miracle on woodcock street they are now 4 points from 3^rd. Lawrence 1 and Jokers contested a cracker with both teams sharing the points. Both with 3 games left could finish as high as 2^nd.

The match reports.

Clitoris began festivities with an absolute trashing. No hotshot player apart from the one and only McLaffen understood the significance of this game. Just to remind you hotshots, it was if you won you would be able to close down Clitoris in the title race, but oh well. Payne the punisher hit 5 times, sexy Soady got a hat trick, not so sexy Southern got 2, holla at your Howells hit one and magnificent Matt also got a goal. In the end 13-3, as you guessed McLaffen got the hat trick.

After some lucozade and a quick release in the toilets Clitoris were ready again. It was a far more heated encounter with Clitoris putting T.J in the lesbian goal to the test early on. Soady broke the deadlock but his goal was cancelled out with a wonder strike from Pritpal after everyone just backed off. Cowly then stepped up his game in defence and was a brick wall he then charged up to score. Payne took them further ahead before Howells finished a comfortable Clitoris first half. The 2^nd half was a more even game with Marcus and Clyde showing great strength at opposing ends. Lesbians had two glorious chances saved by the crouching tiger hidden dragon. Had these two gone in it would have made for a nervy final 7 minutes for Clitoris. None the less Lesbians didn’t pull through and it ended Clitoris 4-1 Lesbians.

Lesbians then went on to face Latecomers and it seemed as though they had listened to Chris Browns “I can transform ya” during the break as they weren’t even letting the Latecomers in with a chance. Marcus hit two crackers in the first 6 minutes while loan signing Gurjit took it to 3-0. Latecomers had few opportunities with Chris and Alec not providing the final touch. In the opening 5 minutes of the 2^nd  half it was game on as Peace and Conrad Lea took it back to 3-2. As Latecomers pushed Southgate came back on to cause some problems as the Lesbians once again depended on T.J to make two saves to prevent the equaliser. Against the run of play Ricky hit the sweet spot to put the Lesbians 2 ahead and then Nathan restored their 3 goal advantage. Nathan was then sent off for a stupid body check on Alec and it played right into Alec’s hands as for 5 minutes with 3 goals in the game could there be a comeback? Southgate pulled one back and the pressure continued. Matt tried to get one but it seemed as though they forgot to defend. Time was not on Latecomers side and of course the Lesbians were running down the clock by any means necessary. In the end a wonderful own goal finished off affairs with the ball coming off the back wall bouncing off Jeremy’s chest and being spilled into the net. Lesbians 6-3 Latecomers.

The 11 a side teams of Lawrence and Jokers met and in honesty I don’t think any player stayed on for longer than 4 minutes. There was action everywhere. Jokers began affairs the spicier of the 2 with Ong and Coker a delight to watch and keeping Geraint and Gaz in the Lawrence back line on their toes. Coker got the first as the jokers went ahead. Shortly after Steve Guest has been practicing his singing and football in front of the mirror for every o lala he would punt. The X factor wannabe got the equaliser as Simon Cowell was delighted. Lawrence then completed a good comeback with Cuthbert pulling them ahead before the break. In the 2^nd half yes you guessed it Cadman got sent off again. Stennard for the Jokers was a tiger and Angel for Lawrence was a blessing as he was everywhere (for 4 minutes). The game went back and forth and Newton was about to be stretchered off only to miraculously return and be penalised for time wasting. Neil levelled for the jokers as both teams pressed for the winner, but alas it wasn’t to be. Lawrence 2 2 Jokers.

Player Cam

Game of the week. Lesbians vs. Latecomers

Goals of the day. Marcus and Ricky (Lesbians). Both came out from nowhere, even Pritpal hit a banger from distance.

Skill of the day. Dan Soady (Clitoris). Not usually the one to show boat as he only saves it for special occasions, so it must have been Christmas today with some clever play throughout double trouble

Tackles. Stennard and Neil(Jokers) Angel and Rushiv (Lawrence). To be honest all players in the game were getting pretty stuck in but these in particular were never giving up.

Whets wrong with Cadman? Even super nanny couldn’t handle Cadman as if she put him on the naughty step, he would just foul it say he didn’t do it, complain and then do it all over again. Next week I will bring the tranquiliser.

Saves. Alex Newton at 0-0 and 1-1 made 2 blinders (Lawrence 1). Although he then proceeded to time waste. Sangatt Mann (Jokers) made one cracker of a save but the saves of the day go to the Clitoris keeper with two fine saves against the Lesbians.

Hat trick heroes. Alex Payne and Dan Soady (Clitoris)

Team of the week. Every single player from Clitoris, there’s a reason why they are the champions, don’t hate appreciate.

Please see the spreadsheet attached, let me know if anything is wrong.

league-one-season-4-wk-6

Nilesh

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