Aston league one week 7
Welcome to week 7
Clitoris All sorts in remarkable fashion continue their undefeated reign, after a boozy week on top of many different wags the press would have thought they would take it easy however in a great game they came out on top of the Jokers. Hotshots managed to firm their grasp on 2nd place after a miraculous comeback against the Sporting Lesbians, however the hotshots still have to battle to the death for 2nd place they will go through double trouble along with Cokers Jokers. The hotshots just need 1 point / 6 but for the jokers they need all 6.
The bottom of the table will also be decided in the final week with only 2 points separating 3rd and 6th. The latecomer cause was dealt a severe blow as they will begin the final week in last place after a loss to Lawrence. That victory to Lawrence but a demolishing by the Lesbians mean Lawrence are 4th but the Lesbians are only a point behind them in 5th. Who will be crowned “rear of the year”
The match reports.
A spicy affair began festivities down at gem with Clitoris taking on the Jokers. In honesty the first half could have swung either way. Payne opened the scoring for Clitoris after taking it past one and coolly slotting home. Andy Coker replied 3 minutes later after he capitalised on a mistake. Sangatt Mann then made two great saves that prevented Clitoris from going ahead. The joker man marking system broke down as a long ball from keeper found Clyde who finished on the first touch. Cadman then used his intelligence (yes just as shocked as you and no he didn’t get sent off) to take a quick free kick and score. HT 2-2. The 2nd half was a bit fiercer with the tackles flying in. James Ong and Tim were great all game for Jokers and similarly James Cowley and Soady for Clitoris. Jokers had more of the ball but Clitoris knew how to catch them, they were lucky to take the lead after Howells capitalised on a keeper and defensive error. Payne followed soon after with a bangers and mash of a volley. Man of the match Cadman then spurred his team back in the game with a goal and 6 minutes left on the clock. Jokers had the chances and deserved the equaliser but it didn’t come as Clitoris’s defence and keeper seemed much like Bruce Willis, unbreakable.
A torrid affair was followed by a very slow game between Lawrence and Latecomers. Latecomers lacked the attacking prowess all game and apart from Jeremy in goal in the 2nd half no player really shined. For Lawrence they hit three times, Paresh who seemed to be everywhere was breaking up the tackles, showing us some skill and also got a goal to the shock of the crowd. Was this Alex Cuthbert in disguise? PP was spectacular in one of the best solo performances since Cheryl Cole and the L’Oreal advert. Cause Paresh is worth it too. Gaz and Geraint also scored to make it comfortable for Lawrence. 3-0
Whilst Lawrence rested the Lesbians and the hot shots heated up the stage. The Lesbians were clearly the more dominant and Bhav was the man to watch as he ran around like road runner throughout the entire game for the Lesbians. Marcus hit first for the Lesbians as he went past two but then Jigar Thanki scored the leveller as it came off the keeper in a bizarre goal. Nobody really saw what happened with that goal so play carried on and Bhav showed persistence pays off as he took the Lesbians back into the lead before the break. In the 2nd half the gloves were off with tackles from Aaron (Lesbians) and Sun (Hotshots). Park came on to perform some magic but this time Bhav called curtains to his trick show as he scored again to make it 3-1. Sun then got a goal back for the hotshots and this was cancelled out by Marcus. 4-2 Lesbians. The Lesbians weren’t doing much wrong but would just get frustrated and two free kicks that were sloppily conceded were finished off by the hotshots as Sun and Thanki pulled it level. McLaffen then put the hotshots into the lead for the first time in the game after having his previous goal was disallowed. 5-4 hotshots. Nathan pulled the game back to level terms with only 90 seconds left on the clock. You would have thought this would be it, but no a cross ball found Thanki and in slow motion fashion he struck the ball on the volley and it sailed into the net. Lesbians protested he was in the area but his foot and the ball were both clearly out, the goal stood and the final whistle blew. What a game Hotshots 6-5 Lesbians.
Lesbians then went on to face Lawrence and it was all one way traffic all game. They played with the same passion as the game before except this time they didn’t conceded anything silly which was the key difference. Ricky was great at the back and once again Marcus and Bhav were exceptional. Marcus banged 3 beauties, something he claims to do in his bedroom 
with Nathan and Ricky also netting. For Lawrence it was abysmal two late goals by Jones were not enough. Lesbians 6-2 Lawrence.
Player Cam
Game of the week. Lesbians vs. Hotshots
Goals of the day. Marcus (Lesbians) a Great long ball found Marcus who ran onto it and jumped to finish on the half volley.
Intelligence over madness. Cadman (Jokers) also hit a sweet free kick. Looks like someone did hit him with that tranquiliser this week as he played a calm, composed and skilful game.
Heartbreak hotel. Jigar Thanki (Hotshots). Dying second Volley that gave the hotshots the 6-5 win.
Skill of the day. Lots of skill today from Bhav (Lesbians) running the entire length of the field. Paresh (Lawrence) Going past two before just missing. Jack Howells (Clitoris) with some mesmerising wing play.
Tackles. Paresh (Lawrence) had the eye of the tiger today. Aaron and Bhav (Lesbians) a great defensive first half from the 2 against the hotshots, don’t quite know what happened in the 2nd half. Sun and Roger (hotshots).
Save of the day. Jeremy Knight (Latecomers) with a great 2nd half performance saving on 4 separate occasions.
Hat trick heroes. Marcus (Lesbians) Jigar Thanki (Hotshots)
Team of the week.
GK Jeremy Knight (Latecomers)
DF Paresh (Lawrence)
MDF Mark Cadman (Cokers Jokers)
AMF Bhav (Lesbians)
FW Jigar (Hotshots)
Please see the spreadsheet attached, let me know if anything is wrong.
Nilesh
Chairman of Aston Uni 5’s
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